HEADSHOT (A not so sad story)

[boshmi]

Gather round ya'll, Uncle boshmi's gonna tell you another tale. One of bravery, redemption, sacrifice, and dog food. Lots and lots of dog food. Don't gather too close now, you'll burn yourself on the fire, and Uncle might need to bust out his antiseptic and bandages.
(This is a sequel, the original I've already uploaded under the title "Pure Cringe")
Did I ever tell you about the time I climbed Timberwolf mountain?
It was a warm, sunny day like this one. The wind was blowing, the snow was falling, I couldn't see five meters ahead of me, you know, warm and sunny. Like all of Uncle's stories. In fact, like all the stories from Great Bear Island.

I was trekking along the pleasant valley roads, just passing through, before I made my trek to Timberwolf mountain. Why did I want to climb Timberwolf mountain? I don't know, I was bored and looking for something to do. What's that? You're asking how I got bored being surrounded by wolves, bears, the endless cold, and various other threats? Well, frankly it's too easy to overcome these threats, once you've a weapon of some form, and this isn't part of the story, I know, I get distracted way too easily, it all stems from you asking these silly questions.

After a quick trek through, and a stay for a night in a cave, I made my way, relatively weary due to a pack of 29.99kgs (this part is actually true, I dumped one match in order to fit under the weight limit) and came to point in the road where a truck had collided with a felled tree. (What an idiot). It was at this point I decided to name the "Point of Disagreement" because of the presence of cars and dead guy. Look, I was freezing to death, I think I can be excused for naming something without much thought. I found my way to a rope, up which I lugged all 29.99kgs of gear. Needless to say, once I reached the top I was ready for a good nap, but this was not to be. Mainly because of the abovementioned freezing, etc. All that fun stuff. Into the climber's hut I stumbled, did a three-pointer with a piece of fir firewood, nailing that fireplace with technique that would have made Coby Bryant proud, (air horn blows) boiled some water, downed all of it, then passed out.

When I came to, the fire was dead, and my condition was 50%. I was a little confused, because I went to sleep only about 5 hours ago, and I had been slaked, and yet, checking my condition tab, I found myself to be freezing. "Why, that's odd" I thought to myself, stroking my beard with the air of Pai Mei. (Who gets that reference?) "I'm inside, why am I freezing?" It was then that I remembered what my great grandpappy told me; That there's a giant-ass hole in this cabin. I knew because he had died here from going to sleep for 10 hours in a blizzard. That's another story for another day, but it was at this point I thought; I'm not going up Timberwolf without some better clothing.

So ensued the Genocide of The Mountaineer's Lake. The best part was I had just got my "Pacifist" badge from the magic black bar in the corner, and it was with the air of a pacifist I went outside, arrow on my bow, and systematically murdered two deer and a wolf within the hour. I just love being a pacifist. It was over the course of the next few days I pacifistically murdered two more wolves, and two more deer, giving me a nice pair of pacifist trousers, a repair for my scuffed pacifist boots, and almost enough skin for a toasty snug pacifist coat. (Of which I really needed. I was wearing a winter coat, which does not bode well with blizzards. Also it's not pacifistic)

I couldn't really be bothered to hunt down another wolf though, so I grabbed my sleeping bag, dumped anything that wasn't necessary in the handy dandy hatch, seemingly capable of holding my inventory eight times over, and finally set off, up the mountain, a spring in my step and a smile on my face. The smile was soon wiped off my face when the wind picked up, and I started slowly freezing. A wolf came at me at one point, but I scared it off by popping a flare. The flare kept me warm for a few minutes, but they don't last forever. I entered the first cave, and headed through it, keeping a careful watch for bears or bats, and exited into a place I call sh*tstorm ravine. Mainly because as soon as I exited there was a blizzard. I can tell the weather really likes me, you know?

Stupid as I was, I decided to plough right into it, and made it up to a wall with a rope on it, before realizing I was too tired to climb, and night was coming on fast, so I collected some meat from a nearby carcass (only 7 minutes with the hacksaw? What?), lit the fire, dumped down my sleeping bag, burnt myself, because you know Uncle's really good at that, applied first aid, cooked the meat, and slept in quick 2-hour bursts in order to wake if I began freezing. I made it to about 1am when I began to freeze, so I packed up, and moved out, climbing the rope, immediately getting tired, and then, proceeding to find a cave in the clearing full of deer, lie down, and sleep the rest of the night. Morning came, and with it, a day of rigorous trekking. Round the slopes I made my way up to the secluded shelf, where I stayed a night in the cave, and then finally, on my third day on Timberwolf mountain, I arrived at the summit. Like any survivor, I then stared at the view.

Then I promptly kicked myself, and started sawing open those crates. Woot woot EZ food, EZ clothes, EZ life. I was the pimp of Timberwolf mountain. The wolves were my homies, the deers my hoes. All the food was mine. I went to sleep in that plane, dreaming of rolling down the mountain in my tricked-out premium coat, pumpin' sick tunes from mah broken radio.
I'm going to stop now because I feel my brain cells committing suicide.

Morning comes, and with it, a storm of pure sh*t. I'm not talking gusty blizzards. I'm talking the kind of crap that could be classified as a tornado. Even with my pimpy coat, I was frozen to the bone, and I found myself wishing I had spent just a few more days for that wolfskin coat. I smashed up some crates, and lit a fire to keep me warm, and it was midday before the blizzard finally blew over. All was not for nought, because I stumbled down the summit that afternoon, wearing a premium coat, carrying my flare gun, and in my backpack lived 24 MRE packs. (Pimpy af) I was only halfway down the mountain however, and so, in a fit of ludicrous decision, I decided to do the clever thing an try and make my way down the side of the echo ravine. Now, if any of you have ever been to the top of echo ravine, and peered down the side, you'll know how safe it is. It was so safe, in fact, I suffered a broken wrist, and ankle, not to mention minor bruising, but hey. It's not dumb if it works.

Taking some painkillers, I made my final steps back home. I saw the sun glistening off the lake, and the hut just across from there, and yet, bruised, broken, freezing, and tired, one final punch to the gut remained. That final wolf chose the wrong moment to show up. In the heat of the moment, he was running at me, across the lake, a good hundred meters from where I stood, and so, sick of all that this mountain had to throw at me, and reacting purely off of instinct, I drew my bow, and in a legendary shot, I nailed that summabeyotch wolf right between the eyes. I believe no one has ever been as satisfied as I was. It was actually the most comforting thing to see that arrow arch through the air and nail that b*stard right in the skull.

If you don't think that's satisfying, you and I have no more to talk about.

 

So that was Uncle boshmi's tale. There's a prequel to that one but it's not as interesting, about my journey North.
It's time for old Uncle to go on to sleep now. Be careful out there. It's getting cold

[hauteecolerider]

2 hours ago, boshmi said:

It was a warm, sunny day like this one. The wind was blowing, the snow was falling, I couldn't see five meters ahead of me, you know, warm and sunny. Like all of Uncle's stories. In fact, like all the stories from Great Bear Island.

  

[piddy3825]

On 4/7/2016 at 5:04 PM, boshmi said:

...and reacting purely off of instinct, I drew my bow, and in a legendary shot, I nailed that summabeyotch wolf right between the eyes. I believe no one has ever been as satisfied as I was. It was actually the most comforting thing to see that arrow arch through the air and nail that b*stard right in the skull.

If you don't think that's satisfying, you and I have no more to talk about.

 

So that was Uncle boshmi's tale. There's a prequel to that one but it's not as interesting, about my journey North.
It's time for old Uncle to go on to sleep now. Be careful out there. It's getting cold

That was one of the more entertaining stories I have read in a while.  Outstanding shot!  To bad they wont let us do a taxidermy craft 'cause I would be mounting that head over the fireplace in my hut on TWM. 

[hauteecolerider]

3 hours ago, piddy3825 said:

That was one of the more entertaining stories I have read in a while.  Outstanding shot!  To bad they wont let us do a taxidermy craft 'cause I would be mounting that head over the fireplace in my hut on TWM. 

With the arrow still in it?

[piddy3825]

8 minutes ago, hauteecolerider said:

With the arrow still in it?

Most definitely with the arrow still in!  

On a side note, from the looks of things, that arrow struck pretty deep.  I would guesstimate at least 1/3 of the arrow shaft is embedded in the skull. Trying to remove it would most likely just result in breaking the arrow, lol.  

[Drifter Man]

On 4/7/2016 at 2:04 AM, boshmi said:

I believe no one has ever been as satisfied as I was. It was actually the most comforting thing to see that arrow arch through the air and nail that b*stard right in the skull.

Spoken like a true pacifist!

[boshmi]

4 hours ago, Drifter Man said:

Spoken like a true pacifist!

I know. I think everything about this tale was 100% pacifistic, in fact, no animals were harmed in the making of this story. Except all of those ones that were harmed XD.

[korxete]

If you think that is satisfaying, how about this? 

[Hotzn]

On 26.5.2016 at 2:46 PM, korxete said:

If you think that is satisfaying, how about this? 

I like how it says "simple arrow" in the picture... like you were saying, hey, I did this with a simple arrow!